In a Hurry to Forgive

Fuck that.

Okay. Anything I am about to say applies directly to me also in the “what the fuck were you thinking” way, as in, I stayed there, knowing that they were both out of their minds. I didn’t realize the extent to which neither of them are good people. They are actually very bad people. They are the worst kind of bad people, the wolves in sheep’s clothing people, purporting themselves to be these highly evolved beings when in fact they are total dicks.

If I had sent a forgiveness letter, such as I was contemplating, before my sister gave me pause long enough to think about what I was about to do, I think I’d be committing myself to a mental facility today.

I think that the person that I’m in a hurry to forgive is: Myself.

I gave 4.5 years of very loyal service to these people. And in the end, over a hissy fit she had over something that she caused by not paying attention, by not being responsible, by not caring about anyone but herself, she engineered my firing specifically to deflect from what a dumb bitch she was. She knew that she had really fucked up and instead of facing what she did and acting like a human being, she stirred him all up to make sure she never really had to answer for what she did. I regret fixing their accounting that day. She should have had to do that herself. 

And him. Okay, I put up with a lot of bullshit from this man. More than I should have. I didn’t just silently take it, mind you, but the fact that I had a brain and a mouth did cause me more problems there than it helped me. And Mr. “Oh My Fucking God, This Price Sticker Put In That Location (that has been there for 1.5 years, sitting out in plain sight” Is The Worst Possible Thing That Could Happen To Me At A Time Like This". Call nine-eleven. My first day of work I put that sticker there. You know, dickhead, the day 2 of your "closest friends" came to me saying, paraphrasing: you look like a reasonable person, this is how you're going to deal with this situation. Yeah, I know, Danger, Warning in Neon, which I ignored. 

So, this fucker, who I tried really hard to help, I tried really hard to support, fires me in the most cruel way possible over something she did. I still can’t believe it.

Even with all the relationships I saw him destroy, I still cannot believe that he did that to me. The two of them did not care if I ended up homeless because of her hissy fit. Seriously? It frightens me that they are raising children.

Part of me always thought this: He thought that by divorcing her that he would be washing all the gray right out of his hair. Where, in fact, his biggest pain in the ass became a bigger pain in his ass when he left her. He didn’t think it all the way through. When you have children, there is really no such thing as divorce. And when, on top of that you are business partners (on paper, certainly not in reality) there is a double whammy of, I CANNOT GET RID OF THIS RIDICULOUS WOMAN. And sometimes I think that when he realized that she was in his life to stay, and that she didn’t have his best interests at heart, that he thought with regards to me; well, this mouth I can get rid of.

With her. There is just no excuse. I really hope that I never run into her in public. I don't need that karma.

And I do forgive myself. I see now that due to the tumultuous life I grew up in, chaos of a ridiculous nature is something that I adapt to, and probably end up thinking is my fault, and thus, think I can fix it. Nothing could have fixed my parents. Nothing could fix PF&W.

I really think that I’ve got it now!

So, thank you sis, for bringing me to my senses.