The last 1.5 years I worked for them, although she was a full partner in the business on paper, she did virtually nothing in actuality and what she did she did poorly and at the last minute. She'd had her second child 6 months prior to THE END, (and totally makes Rocket Science out of Parenting) so essentially all she accomplished in all that time was on her back. Thus the name. And that right there...that is the last bit of energy I am giving that poor example of womankind. The worst kind of woman who will stab another in the back for her own survival. Exactly what's wrong with women, is their history together.
The False Prophet. There are so many things that I am actually grateful for regarding him. I got an education there in stuff I was really interested in that I simply could not have gotten anywhere else. And I got paid while I learned this stuff, also. There were so many times when I saw myself in him, but never in any of his better qualities. Those were times when I had to hide all the sharp objects should I have the urge to empale myself on the letter opener. It WAS a purple letter opener. I could hear my friends and family "she decided to end it all with her purple letter opener". Sniff sniff.
The False Prophet. He really is a man that deserves compassion; but holy fuck does he ever make that shit hard. He is a brilliant man, but a despicable human being. The things I despise him for the most, he did to other people, not me...
The False Prophet. Claims that he doesn't think of himself as a guru, or any kind of spiritual leader, but as a former employee once told me, in her elderly, southern accent, "I believe that he has grown into it."
The False Prophet. Teaches people about spirituality, and energy, and resonance and yet is the most low energy person I have ever met. Rarely walked his talk. The Whore claimed that he has Aspergers. The Ass part I buy, but if he has Aspergers, he only has it with women. He kowtows to men and thinks nothing of unloading on women, the whole time making them the party at fault, spinning elaborate falsehoods laced with truth to excuse his inexcusable. I know that there is something wrong with him. I've often wondered if he had multiple personalities and when I first started working there, they had an unusual amount of books on schizophrenia, which didn't really fit into any of the categories of books we sold. I don't care anymore what the reason is for him being an evil son-of-a-bitch; it just doesn't matter.
The False Prophet. Adored by hundreds who are all virtual strangers. It's one of the most sickening things I've ever seen, but you know what? They hired me because I was discerning, and in the woo woo world in which we worked, that was important. And I never lost that. I think that I can now recognize signs of False Prophethood a little bit better than before.
Now, you know the way that people will sometimes repeat the same mistakes in a relationship over and over? In the past, I have done that with jobs. I started working when I was 14, and my home life was very tumultuous, to say the least. Actually, it was fucking crazy. For example, when my parents got divorced, no one got the kids. My mom went to live with relatives and my dad found a new family and stopped coming home THE DAY I got my drivers license. I mean, if in the end, the best solution was to leave the kids on their own in a house in the country while the parental units go off to reset themselves, I mean that says a lot.
My first job was as a Super Hero. Didn't know you could get paid for that? Yup. And not only did I hone my Super Hero skills to perfection, but they loved me in a way I had never been loved before. They started my addiction to External Validation. Yup. Mainlined that shit. For the next 40 years. That's a long time to have an addiction!
So, the best news is that no matter what, I will never work to fulfill someone else's dreams ever again. If I take a job again, it will be as a temporary means to an end.
Part of the hard work is discovering who I am and what I really stand for. When I pull the curtain back on all the instant gratification I got making my past employers dreams come true -- all the while ignoring or never cultivating my own dreams, I kind of don't know who I am. No longer being defined by the job I do means I have some passion to find!
I guess I'm better equipped now, more than any other time of my life, to unearth that secret of exactly -- WHO AM I?
I guess I'm better equipped now, more than any other time of my life, to unearth that secret of exactly -- WHO AM I?
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